I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
