Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
