dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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