when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
