your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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