I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
