3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
