I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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