Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
