i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
