Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize