Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
