You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
