I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
