New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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