I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm passing your future prison.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
