dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
