You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
