Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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