Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize