I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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