I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Still dying that you shit outside
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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