three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
