Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
