it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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