I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
