Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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