what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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