haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
