You smell like stripper and shame
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
