What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We need to get me chipped asap
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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