Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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