Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
