What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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