i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
