i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
