end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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