dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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