You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
