if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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