He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
