So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
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All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
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In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize