Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
