No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
