My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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