i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
