whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
