she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
