need another drink. this is the easiest way
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
