as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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