normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I enjoy the company of your penis
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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