You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
