I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That's intense
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
