Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
