I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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