He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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