fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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