Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize