Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
