I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
