I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
