I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
